So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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