We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My feet surprised me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
