We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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