To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
