He kissed a someone with a penis
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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