Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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