Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girls should come with a carfax report
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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