It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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