Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
