There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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