she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
