I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
