Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
