She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
