if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
