I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize