i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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