I accidentally had phone sex last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
