i need an iv and a liver transplant
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Do vagina's smell?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
