Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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