How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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