I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize