Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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