The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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