you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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