Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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