don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
