Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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