i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found the puke drawer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
