they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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