Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
