Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
