dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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