You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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