I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
