I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
