I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
