What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
