Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
