I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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