My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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