Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's get the cat blown out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
