explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
