hotel room ftw
i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize