i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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