i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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