I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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