im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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