stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
