Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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