dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
