My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
