you would pick up someone in the library
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
