Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
