I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
