shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
false alarm, still single
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