we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
