unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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