why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize