Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
