my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
