I could have mohawked her pubes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize