Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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