so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
