You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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