a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
