I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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