P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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