I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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