On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
