Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
