I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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