we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
