I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
