ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The Olympian is in my bed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
