so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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