my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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