How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
