I'm lost and stupid without you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
