Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
