you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
